If I Die the Death

Funerals are always interesting gatherings to attend, for there is nothing like death to bring life into perspective. A soul is now prayerfully in the hands of the Lord as family, loved ones and constituents gather in memory.

I attended the homegoing service for my Uncle James, who is the husband of my child hood nanny, aptly knwon as "Nanny". I spent the earliest years of my life at her house after school when my parents couldn't pick me up. It was at her house that I spent many a day relaxing. There was always a surplus of good food, sound discipline and love.

Long before I knew how Shameless I was known as "Potato Head" and I had an issue with socks. Either I had to different ones, or I none at all.

There was no in between.

Nanny and those who dwelt around the house all knew of my deficiency.

"Lift up your pant leg Potato Head.......that's a shame," they all used to say.

I proudly stood before them at the funeral service, and lifted my pant legs to display two identically silky black socks.

"You go boy," they all say.

So much ran through the mind of the 23 year old Vagabond Potato Head as the casket was closed. I believe that the world is going to end in our lifetime, and that I will never die because I will be called into the Rapture. However, in the outside chance that I instead die the death to achieve eternal life I have thought about how my own funeral would be.

1. Burn Baby Burn- I don't want sad saps sobbing over my embalmed corpse. After my organs are donated that sucker will be burnt and placed in a bottle to be cast out to sea to Shamlessley wander forever.

2. Party- I don't want anyone to cry over me. (assuming that anyone shows up). No matter how much it hurts. There would still be life to live, souls to save and people who need help, so there is no time to waste.

However, a party is always in order. I would have gift bags for all my guests, RSVP, valets, ice sculptures, waltzes and wine. The grand dinner would commence with a video of me delivering dry humor and advice, while Taylor Swift sang "Untouchable".

3. 3-for-1 - I would want a wedding, baby christening and funeral to be held on this day. All celebrations of lively milestones would occur so that people could be reminded of the fullness that life brings.

Although the idea of the death is intriguing there's no time to focus on something I can't really help. Once it's all done I'd like know that I've done something for others to make their life better.

There is no greater self service than to serve others. Uncle James served his family and community for years and there was nothing but love and appreciation at his funeral.


For this we all are better.